For Forgiveness
by Scribe Figaro
Summary: Because it is easier than asking permission. Quick drabble.


**For Forgiveness**

**by Scribe Figaro**

_A response to Starzki's "To Be Proud." Sort of._

Danna-sama.

Danna-sama, forgive me for disturbing you. I know it is many hours until daylight, but Sango wakes at a very early hour, so to speak to you in confidence, I must awake earlier still.

Danna-sama, it is awkward, to be here with you. I admit this freely. I do not know what to say to the person from whom I take such a precious, precious gift.

I fear that I do not have your approval.

I fear that I am a thief.

She is the most important thing in the world, Danna-sama, and for this reason I cannot let myself believe, for certain, that you sanction our marriage.

But I can still hope.

I always hope.

She makes it so easy for me to have hope.

I would have died without her, Danna-sama.

… no, it is not as serious as that.

That is, I would have died. But I would have died only because I did not care to live. I had no reason to continue life after the demon Naraku was destroyed.

She gave me reason to fight in such a way that I would try to survive. And that made me a better fighter.

And yet, even with the will to survive, it took nothing more than the slightest threat to Sango's life that would cause me to cast away my own. This I would have succeeded at, if not for our friends, who would snatch that life back up each time.

I will tell you a secret.

I never intended to propose to your daughter.

Honestly.

Really.

That one day, beside the river, when I nearly lost her.

I realized how selfish I had been.

How cruel I had been.

And I knew that I loved her.

And I knew I did not deserve her.

And I knew that I would hurt her.

And I knew I could save her life if I made her hate me.

She would be hurt, and perhaps insulted, but she would forget her feelings for me, and we could continue as friends, and she would be free. She would forget me very quickly, I was sure.

But just as I was about to tell her this thing, she began to cry.

And I could not do it.

She takes my strength, Danna-sama.

She takes my will, Danna-sama.

She was the first woman to cry for me, Danna-sama.

So I broke my vow. The vow I made five years before, when I was a younger, more foolish child. The vow that I would find a woman, lie with that woman, and leave that woman, giving her nothing more than my child and my name. That I would not seek a wife, but a concubine. And when the child was old enough to no longer need the breast, I would take the child for my own, and teach him my ways, and he would not remember his mother.

This was the promise I made to my father, simply by virtue of being born. As far as I know, this was how I was raised, and likely how my father was raised as well. Monks, you see, have no need for family, no need to carry a name. The men of the Dogen sect are my clan, my brothers, though I have never met more than a few.

Had there been no Naraku, no family curse, my grandfather would likely have seen no need for this meticulous debauchery, and would have died childless, and I, Miroku, the son of a whore, would not be here, to sully your daughter by marrying her.

This was the vow I broke, Danna-sama.

And I made a new vow, Danna-sama.

I decided my family's ways would end with me.

I would not lie with a woman for a child.

I would not make a child as a tool of revenge.

I would not force a woman to share the same fate as my mother.

I would not force a child to share the same fate as myself.

I would be a husband of a woman, not a paying client of a brothel-girl.

I would be a father of a child, not a trainer of a replacement killer.

All this, I decided, when I saw your daughter's tears for me.

I would see my family's curse end.

Not the Kazaana.

But the curse we made ourselves.

Our loveless lives, absent fathers, abandoned mothers.

I would be a husband, Danna-sama.

In my entire life, that was all I really wanted.

Until that moment, I believed I should have made it my life's work to defeat Naraku.

But Naraku is evil, and there will always be evil.

So I put my life's value into something with purpose.

I hope that I can be the husband she deserves.

I don't know if I will succeed, Danna-sama.

But I hope, Danna-sama.

I always have hope.

She makes it so easy for me to hope, Danna-sama.

The sun begins to rise, Danna-sama.

She awakes, Danna-sama.

I must go.

Be at peace, Danna-sama.

And please forgive me, Danna-sama.

Forgive me for my greatest sin, for loving and taking your daughter.

I have kept track of my wrongs, and I know my next life will be one of great punishment, but this one thing may tip the scales, and damn me to be cast into nothingness.

But I am sure the memory of her will keep me smiling through any torture.

My life is without regrets, Danna-sama.

My life is with Sango, Danna-sama.

"_Have you come here for forgiveness?  
Have you come to raise the dead?  
Have you come here to play Jesus  
To the lepers in your head?"  
- U2, "One"_


End file.
